Attack of the Parodies
by I'm Not The Weakest Link
Summary: A parody of most things that go wrong on Harry Potter fanfiction.
1. Guest of the Day: Miss Mary Sue

**Attack of the Parodies!**

* * *

''This year it gives me great pleasure to announce, an American transfer has come to join us at Hogwarts! Please give a round of appluase for....Mary Sue! 

A girl stood up.

''Hi.'' she giggled. ''I'm Mary-Sue!'' She had voice like honey.

She had curly golden hair that flowed down her back. She had light blue yes that looked suspiciusly like Dumbledores. She had a face like a porcelien doll. Her feet were small. She was in one word...

Perfect.

Mary Sue walked up to the Sorting Hat. She placed it on her head, and she heard a voice in her ear.

Hmm. You have the bravery of a Gyffindor, loyalty of a Hufflepuff, cleverness of a Ravenclaw, and cunning of a Gryffindor. You are a Seer, animagus, metamorhpmagus, have control over all the elements, get top grades in every lesson. But...you are probley the only person in this school decending from all the founders. But you're perfect for...GRYFFINDOR!

Harry and Ron clapped, while Hermione looked sulky. Mary Sue came and sat down next to Harry.

''Hi,'' she giggled.( she always giggled, so people wouldn't know she had a deep, mysterious past)

Harry shook her hand, staring at her. Ron was also clawing for her hand.

''Please, calm down,'' she laughed.''There's enough of me to go around.''

She gave her hand to Hermione.

Hermione looked the other way.

---

The next morning Hermione came down. But she was so different.

She had shaved her head, and had several piercings. She had put lots of make-up on. She latched her self onto Harrys arm.

''Hermione get off me,'' he said, ''I love Mary Sue.''

''But Harry,'' said a voice like honey.''I'm your long lost twin!''

Harry knew. From the moment he met her...he _knew._

''And were related to Dumbledore.''

Harry also knew that.

''Mary Sue helped me come over my nerdiness!'' exclaimed Hermione.

In Potions, Snape gave Mary Sue a smile when she got the hardest Potion in the world right. Even though, she was blind-folded.

She did great in ever lesson.

That night, they were in the common room.

Suddenly, for no apparent reason, Voldemort came into the room.

''Avada Kedavra!'' he yelled, almost killing Harry.

Mary Sue, who saw this, screamed and dived in front of Harry.

''Well, well, well, Mary Sue. My _Daughter.''_

Mary Sue suddenly stood up, even though she had been hit by Avada Kedavra.

Voldemort scremaed and tried to escape.

''STOP THERE DADDY!'' Mary screamed.

She put her hands together, and a huge fire ball shot out of her hands.

Voldemort couldn't run, and burned to death.

Everyone was staring at her.

''There was a phrohecy.'' she said.''It went like this,''

''A GIRL WITH FLOWING BLONDE LOCKS AND TWINKLY BLUE EYES WILL DEAFEAT VOLDEMORT. NOT HARRY POTTER. HA!HA!HA!''

Mary-Sue nodded sadly.

''I'll go and pack.'' she whispered sadly.

''Huh?!'' chourused eveyone in the room.

''You don't like me anymore, beacause Voldemorts my daddy.''

''No Mary Sue,'' chousused eveyone again. ''We love you!''

Everyone does, don't they?


	2. De bestest fanficcy in dur wurld

****

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_Thank-you's:_

_slytherinphoenix7_

_Princess Perfect_

_AislinnStar_

_Charm12_

_myrti__kestral-girl_

_sylph goddess_

_Kaj-Nrig__stargirl__Moon Angel5_

_Mary-Jane Black__Igriane Lauldin__RussellGrl15_

_jen__candian-cherryblossom_

_Lemming of the B.D.A._

---

A/N: Have you always noticed in fics, where Malfoy just, like walks, in a room, and Hermione hits him? Just wondering...

Itz waz a happi day at Hogwurts Scuol of Witchcraft and Wisadry, and Harrie Pottur was havun lunch with hiz bestest friendz in the whole wurld. Ron Wezley and Hermioni Granga, when Malfoi walked inot the great Hall, doing abzoulutely notin, Hernioni stud up and shouted, ''I've had enuff of yo wize craks!'' and punched him on da noze.

''I will getz you for thiz Granga!'' he cried.

He pullad hiz wands out and shouted ''Akio buk!''

Hermioniz buk slid out of hur grazp.

''Malfoi, you iz stupid and rich, I've had enouff of my hair!'' she cryed, fur no reson. She pulled out hur wand and shouted, '' Hur straighun!''

Hur frizzy hair waz nuw straight.

Malfoi pulled out his wand and waz about to yel a spel when a voice said,

''Putz your wand away!''

A gurl with blonde hair and blue yes came intu da ruum.

Harri, whu waz watching, decided she luked like:

Harry's twin, Snapes daughter, McGonagalls niece, Dumbledores great-great-great-great niece, Grifindoorz decendant, Slitherings decendant, Huflepoffs decendant, and Ruvencluws decendant. Sybill Trelawneys cousin, Voldemorts great-niece, Flitwicks half-sister, Hagrids second-cousin, Moodys right-hand Auror, Remus Lupins best friend, and Hermione's cousin.

''Hey!'' she shouted.

''I am Harry's twin, Snapes daughter, McGonagalls niece, Dumbledores great-great-great-great niece, Grifindoorz decendant, Slitherings decendant, Huflepoffs decendant, and Ruvencluws decendant. Sybill Trelawneys cousin, Voldemorts great-niece, Flitwicks half-sister, Hagrids second-cousin, Moodys right-hand Auror, Remus Lupins best friend, and Hermione's cousin.''

Harri nodded wizely.

''Butz I also luv Drako Malfoi!''

Voldemort came intu da ruum,

''Hey, great- niece!'' he cried.

''Hey uncle!'' she cried sadley.

Marii-Su waz not happy.

But....

''I giv up!'' screemed Voldymurt.

And dey ull lived happly afta.

Awww!


	3. A Chapter of Crappiness

Attack of the Parodies!

----

''Do not enter the woods, that is were they wait.''

Harry Potter stared at the little girl. He was in his Quidditch robes, staring at the little girl.

She pointed to his red robes.

''Let the bad colour not be seen. It attracts them.''

''CUT!''

The girl looked around.

''Yo, little girl, the filming for _The Village_ is next door.''

The little girl nodded solemly and exited.

Harry just stared at were she was standing shocked.

---

After the Village mix up, Harry went to get a cup of coffee. Filming about his life was hard.

But then again Harry had such a hard life.

''WHY? GOD, WHY? I NEVER DID NOTHING TO YOU!''

He broke down into sobs, falling to his knees.

''Ha ha!''

Harry looked up to face the face, the face that scared most other peoples faces. The face, belonged to Lord Voldemort.

''I've come, to kill you Potter.''

Harry shrugged. But then his face lit up.

''_I will not go down with this ship,_

_And I won't put up my hands, and surrender,_

_There will be no white flag above my door,_

'_Cos I'm love, and always...will be!''_

__

Voldemort looked at him, his eyes full of tears.

''Son?''

''Dad?''

Harry ran up to him in slow motion, like all cheesy films, and jumped into his hands.

''Oh dad!''

Voldemort and Harry bought a house called VoldiunHarri, and resided there until they become tired of listening to Dido songs.

-----

AN: I realise this is the worst chapter yet, but I wanted to give y'all something to read.


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